So today.....I am told by a client that her mother is starved for meddling....She is stressed...BIG time...What do I say? I know that families can provide a stress that is like no other. They think they know what is best or right....It goes back for generations...Things have really changed since the 50's. Not that I agree with all changes, but some make sense.
G-D I feel so sorry for her!
How many of you go through this? What has been your vice? Has it destroyed your relationships with your own family, in laws or even your mate?
As a planner, I know the one thing I want more than anything is to provide a stress free day...
That is why people hire planners. I am even hidden by couples who do not want their parents to know they hired me...I have to say I am part of the venue. Thus allowing them to have "free help" so the parents or family do not feel the need to nag...Does it work? 50% of the time maybe!
My thoughts and recent article 7/07..I hope this helps some of you!
Think about this, a new couple who just got engaged.. so excited about their upcoming wedding and living the rest of their lives with the one they love. Simultaneously, they are scared BIG time by all the planning, pleasing everyone, adding both cultures if applicable, restrictions of what they can or cannot have at the wedding and worst of all making this happen in 12 months while they work! Talk about melt down! To top if off.... Suddenly both sides of the family become the experts when it comes to giving suggestions on the wedding planning. If it were only that easy!
Well, sometimes (OK realistically most of the time) relatives have their own opinion and want to interfere in anything that pertains to the couple during the process. This overwhelmed couple instead of being excited ends up being surrounded by all the crazies of relatives who feel their opinions are right and things should be just so! What happened to saying this day was all about the couple and sharing their love with the ones that are closest to them?
Um....Bye! Well not if we can help it!
When couples stress, they can easily loose their control over wedding planning and even their dreams of what that day is all about. The term "Brideszilla" or even better "Groomzilla" becomes a reality when things get above one's control. Did you ever think that this could be because one can not deal with such pressures from their very own family? We love family! But even the ones we love know exactly what buttons to push...and at the right times..What's right for one is not necessarily right for all....
However, I believe that wedding planning can be made so that it can actually be a fun process to remember for a lifetime! When you have the right attitude and understand an outsiders involvement or limitations with opinions....It can really be a wonderful affair for all to enjoy.
Getting married no matter what ones thinks DOES becomes a family affair. In my opinion, families and weddings do not always make for a good marriage. Mainly because it is the beginning of a new generation of people going to form a new relation among themselves. They now want to give the planning responsibilities to others such as friends or a professional to lessen the havoc on themselves..That is where a planner is essential! We are the unbiased party who makes it happen....No opinions and no stress! Just fun relaxing good old fashioned planning!
It’s a popular belief that weddings/marriages should be like "heaven", not one person should not make it stressful especially the families.. Nonetheless, it never happens this way.
By keeping this about the couple and not about what others feel is right.....Maybe the affair could run right without a hitch???? Or at least perfect to the couple...Remember perfection is in the eye of the beholder!
Keep the questions coming! This is my first blog without the network! I start taping again in September for Married Away. We are going to Paris! Can't tell you too much! But it should be interesting I have never been to Paris or even Europe!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
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2 comments:
Hi Samantha! I've been planning my wedding without any real involvement from my family since they are so far away from where I live, but one thing that has been a little stressful for me is having to deal with my fiance's family since they live in VERY close proximity to us. Of course, my fiance isn't quite as interested in all of this "wedding stuff" so I have had to interact with his parents pretty regularly about the details of the event, for example - the rehearsal dinner! His aunt wanted to host it at her house but I always dreamed of having it at a restaurant (a little more formal than Texas backyard BBQ, ya know?). So, my fiance's mother and I ended up just telling her that we didn't want her to go to all that trouble and that we would invite them to our restaurant dinner. Honestly, looking back, I should have just done the backyard BBQ!! In the end, I think maintaining and nurturing those new family bonds are most important. Anyway, what's my point? I guess the point I'm trying to make is that there are days I wish that I had my mom meddling in the planning of our wedding. She's so far away and even though I KNOW there would have been more disagreements and drama with her around during this process, I really would have preffered it. Does that make sense?
Hi Jennifer! I totally know what you mean. In one aspect you want your family to respect your choices and let you breathe. In the other we want the support also. It's kind of a catch 22...So you just have to decide what is best...If you could have the participation with less chaos, it would be a perfect scenario right?
There truly is nothing better than the support of your mom and dad during the process.
You are very fortunate to have that relationship with your mother to miss her presence.
I can speak for many including myself...We just did not have that support.
Sometimes drama is not so bad! It really is contingent on how crazy it gets right?
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